Thursday, August 19, 2010

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Less and less

Biology Class

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.

The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk,' worth 70 points or none at all.
One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.
He wrote:
1.) It is perfect formula for the child.
2.) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3.) It is always the right temperature.
4.) It is inexpensive.
5.) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6.) It is always available as needed.
And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote.......
.........! 7.) It comes in 2 cute containers.

Note: He got an A.

Quote of the day:

'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.
If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home..
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal..
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her..
So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'

Ah Hua's Job interview

Ah Hua went for a job interview to be a secretary.

When the manager saw Ah Hua's colourful attire and gold,white-highlighted hair,
his mind is screaming,"Not this woman!" Nevertheless, he still had to entertain Ah Hua.
So he told Ah Hua , "if you could form a sentence using the words that I give you,
then maybe I will give u a chance!. The words are GREEN,PINK,YELLOW, BLUE,WHITE,PURPLE and BLACK."
Ah Hua thought for a while and said,"I hear the phone GREEN,GREEN,GREEN then I go and PINK up the phone,I say YELLOW...BLUE's that? WHITE did you say?
Aiyah, wrong numberlah...Don't PURPLEly disturb people and don't call BLACK ok? Kum Siah.
The manager fainted. Cheers

Seeded By Others

80 year old man : My 28 year old wife is pregnant, your opinion Doctor?

Doctor : Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle and BANG... The lion drops dead!
Old man : That's impossible; someone else must have shot the lion.

Thought of the day

We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.

What defines greatness in a man?

What defines greatness in a man?

“It’s not what you take but what you leave behind that defines greatness.”
– Edward Gardner.

Thought of the day

Don't break the elastic!

Maya Angelou...Wisdom in a few words

I love the thoughts she lives by!!!

I didn't break the elastic...

Don't break the elastic!

In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. And, there on television, she said it was 'exciting.....'
Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first.
The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!
Maya Angelou said this: 'I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.'
'I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.'
'I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.'
'I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a life.'
'I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.'
'I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back.....'
'I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.'
'I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.'
'I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back......'
'I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.......'
'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel........'
Please send this to five phenomenal women today....... and back to me if you think I'm one also.
If you do, something good will happen: You will boost another woman's self-esteem.
If you don't.......the elastic will break and your underpants will fall down around your ankles!
Believe me, I didn't take any chances on MY elastic breaking.... .I sent it to a lot of special women I care for.