Monday, August 13, 2012

Italian Pregnancy

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says,

'Who wasa the pig that did this to you? I want to know!'

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.

A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably
dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:

'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.

I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take

I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I
will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse,

a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account..

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000
bank account.

If twins,
they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each..

However, if there is a miscarriage,
what do you suggest I do?'

At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shotgun,
places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder, looks him directly in the eyes and tells him

"Youa gonna
try again!"

Adult Jokes

JOKES FOR all seasons
A judge asked a woman on why she wanted a divorce.
She answered, "Your Honor, he knew I'm a vegetarian and yet he still insists on putting his meat in my mouth."
Woman: "Doc, an ant entered my vagina, can you please take it out".
Doctor removes her panties and start making love.
Woman: "What are you doing?"
Doctor: "This is the only way to drown the bastard!"

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
Answer: Your SALARY. It comes once a month last 3 - 4 days
& if it doesn't come you are in deep trouble!

A lady visited her doctor again. The Dr. said: You
look more sick & exhausted than before. Are you having 3 meals a day as I advised?
Lady: WHAT? I thought you said 3 MALES a day!!!!

Women asked God to make The Penis Pretty.
GOD Said "No way; Now As It Is, The Penis is so ugly & U still Suck It. If I make it Pretty You'll Eat It up!!
A nun went for a urine test. The sample got mixed up. When the doctor told her she was pregnant.
She cried and said, "Shit, we can't even trust cucumber anymore.!"

A boy pulls down his pants in front of a girl & asked " Do yo have this? "
The girl lifted up her skirt & said, "My mom said with this I can have a lot of THAT!"

Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the SEX EDUCATION".
Class Teacher: " Why not?"
Schoolgirl: "Someone told me the FINAL EXAM would be

What is the STRONGEST muscle?
TONGUE - It can raise a woman's hip with just one lick!.
The lightest muscle?
PENIS! It can be raised by a woman's tongue!

Lady Immigration officer asked a Korean tourist: "Name?"

"Park Yu."
The 0fficer become angry & shouted back: "FUCK YOU! Now
what's your full name?"
Korean replied: "PARK YU TOO!!"

Man to wife: Business is bad, if you learn how to cook we can remove servant.
Wife: ASSHOLE! If you learn how to fuck, we can remove
driver, gardener & watchman..

COCK say to his two BALLS: I am going to take you with me to a party.
BALLS said: You big fucking liar. You always get INSIDE and
leave us waiting OUTSIDE!

A baby dog asked mama dog how papa look like?
Mama dog's reply: How I know. Your papa came from behind
& I didn't have chance to see his face!"

Sunday, August 12, 2012

What is Happiness?

What is Happiness?

One on the most convincing pieces on happiness. 
An article by Khushwant Singh from 2009 in the Telegraph.  It catches the essence of life & living it to fullest ! 

Having lived a reasonably contented life, I was musing over what a person should strive for to achieve happiness. I drew up a list of a few essentials which I put forward for the readers’ appraisal.
1. First and foremost is good health. If you do not enjoy good health you can never be happy. Any ailment, however trivial, will deduct from your happiness.
2. Second, a healthy bank balance. It need not run into billions but should be enough to provide for creature comforts and something to spare for recreation, like eating out, going to the pictures, traveling or going on holidays on the hills or by the sea. Shortage of money can be only demoralizing. Living on credit or borrowing is demeaning and lowers one in one’s own eyes. 
3. Third, a home of your own. Rented premises can never give you the snug feeling of a nest which is yours for keeps that a home provides: if it has a garden space, all the better. Plant your own trees and flowers, see them grow and blossom, cultivate a sense of kinship with them.
4. Fourth, an understanding companion, be it your spouse or a friend. If there are too many misunderstandings, they will rob you of your peace of mind. It is better to be divorced than to bicker all the time. 
5. Fifth, lack of envy towards those who have done better than you in life — risen higher, made more money, or earned more fame. Envy can be very corroding; avoid comparing yourself with others.
6. Sixth, do not allow other people to descend on you for gup-shup. By the time you get rid of them, you will feel exhausted and poisoned by their gossip-mongering.
 7. Seventh, cultivate some hobbies which can bring you a sense of fulfilment, such as gardening, reading, writing, painting, playing or listening to music. Going to clubs or parties to get free drinks or to meet celebrities is criminal waste of time.
8. Eighth, every morning and evening, devote 15 minutes tointrospection反省. In the morning, 10 minutes should be spent on stilling the mind and then five in listing things you have to do that day. In the evening, five minutes to still the mind again, and ten to go over what you had undertaken to do.

Also a relevant quote, which could well have been said by Khushwant Singh, but there wasn’t a proper source proving it, but anyway :

RICHNESS is not Earning More, Spending More Or Saving More, but …